As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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