its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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