why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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