I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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