somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize