Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
