nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we're so committed to being not committed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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