We're facebook friends in real life
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
