I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
