Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
