talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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