I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
