but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
