Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
