laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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