marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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