My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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