We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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