the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
