I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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