We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
