he shaved USA in his pubs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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