I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
