There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
