So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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