totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
