I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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