I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
