Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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