I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
