gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
