I am puke
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
