im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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