the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
