I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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