My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
