hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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