then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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