i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
