Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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