At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
