He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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