New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
