I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
