he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
