and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
