i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
