i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
