cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
