Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize