Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
