My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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