honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
