Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
