I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
