She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
