Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize