you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
