U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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