We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
