Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
