my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
