Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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