but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
