I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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