My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
