For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
