if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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