I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
